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In Frisian [West/Lauwer] it’s
14 wintermoanne 2017

In Cuman (Polovetsian) it’s
14 azuk ay 2017

In Tabasaran it’s
14 имсул 2017

Monty Python Cheese Shop Sketch
In the centered column toward the bottom of the page are all the different kinds of cheese mentioned in Monty Python’s “Cheese Shop” sketch of November 30th 1972 (3rd season), starring John Cleese and Michael Palin. Writers were John Cleese and Graham Chapman.
There are over a thousand different named cheeses produced worldwide; France alone turns out a bit under 500. Thus the list below represents only about 4% of what’s available. I’ve noted the single fictitious cheese there with *. In real life, some of the more obscure/precious varieties include Salers du Buron, Noyers-le-Val (AKA Cendré d’Argonne), Trouville, Ourde, Welsh Gorau Glas, Castelmagno, Bitto della Valtellina, and Caciocavallo Podolico. The last is particularly noteworthy for its rarity and expense. The cheese is laboriously handmade and derives solely from the March-to-June milk of free range Podoliche cattle who feast on blueberries, cornelian cherries, wild strawberries, juniper and other treats that all impart their aromas to the finished product.

Though quite well known, the rarest French cheese is often cited by many to be Ossau-Iraty, an unpasteurized ewe’s milk semi-soft from the country’s Basque region. Bleu de Termignon is also prestigious and very rare, drawn exclusively from several dozen Alpine cows of the Tarentaise and Abondance breeds that graze in the Vanoise National Park and aged in a cellar for four to five months.

The three most expensive cheeses could very likely be Bitto Storico from Lombardy (priced at $150 per pound), the moose cheese coming out of a highly unorthodox farm in Bjurholm, Sweden ($300 per pound), and finally Pule, coaxed from a small herd of donkeys grazing Serbia’s Zasavica Special Nature Reserve ($600 per pound†).

Single Gloucester is relatively inexpensive but still exceedingly rare. Unlike the Double variety which one can crank out pretty much anywhere, it’s a Protected Designation Origin product and must come from Gloucestershire itself — at the moment, from one of four cheesemakers there. Liederkrantz went entirely extinct in 1985 and many feared it would remain so, but the original cultures to produce it had been diligently maintained and it returned to the market in 2010. A couple of other cheeses that are truly gone and will likely stay that way for the foreseeable future are Lymeswold and Buxton Blue.

Sage Derby
Sage Derby
Most people assume Limburger, last on the list, is the most evil smelling; but actually beer-washed Vieux Boulogne from Normandy usually earns that distinction. Some say Époisses de Bourgogne can also get pretty rank, but its admirers insist that shouldn’t occur unless it has grossly overstayed its ideal 5-to-6-week curing period — or has been transported or stored improperly. Know your cheesemonger, I guess.

Époisses is
Époisses de
Époisses de Bourgogne
soft, round, and brie-like with an orange rind, washed every other day with water and marc (a brandy distilled from pomace — the skin, seeds, and other winemaking chaff) throughout the curing. Legendary gastronome Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin gave that cheese his seal of approval and it was Napoleon’s favorite.

Soon we may witness a cheese-making revolution. As of April 2015 an Oakland, California firm by the name of Counter Culture Labs is hard at work coaxing yeast to produce chemically authentic milk. As DNA manipulations should ultimately allow them to tap pretty much any virtual mammal, their favorite blue-sky fantasy at the moment is narwhal.
Red Leicester
Bel Paese
Red Windsor
Norwegian Jarlsberg
White Stilton
Danish Blue
Double Gloucester
Dorset Blue Vinney (though pretty hard to find)
Pont l’Évêque
Port Salut
Carré de l’Est
Bresse Bleu
La Perle de Champagne (a Brie)
Caithness (plant destroyed by fire in 2011)
Smoked Austrian
Sage Derby
Greek Feta
Pipo Crème
Danish Fynbo
Czech sheep’s milk (Abertam)
Venezuelan Beaver Cheese* (no beavers in Venezuela!)

Rare Cheese Links Castelmagno Epoisses Caciocavallo Podolico Cahill Farm Cheddar With Porter Ale Bitto della Valtellina Yet another Epoisses Ossau Iraty

† Several factors contribute to this sticker shock. For one thing, donkey milk is pretty much the leanest of any mammal with a 0.6% fat content. Cow milk in comparison is about six times richer, so it takes far more of the donkey variety to produce each kilogram of cheese: about 25 liters, or one pound from 6.6 gallons. Further, there only about 100 females in the Balkan breed available, they need to be hand-milked three times a day, and their individual yields are only a tiny fraction of those of dairy cattle which unlike donkeys have been bred for the purpose.

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